


May 15, 2008

by DesireeArmfeldt



Category: due South
Genre: Community: ds_snippets | dsc6dsnippets, Death, Diary/Journal, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Post-Canon, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-04
Updated: 2015-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-16 07:51:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3480236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesireeArmfeldt/pseuds/DesireeArmfeldt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An entry in Fraser's journal</p>
            </blockquote>





	May 15, 2008

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the prompt "stroke" at [ds-snippets](http://ds-snippets.livejournal.com).

Today I buried Ray.

He would forgive me, I think, for writing no more than that.  For not weeping at the funeral.  He would understand.

He will understand.

When he comes back to me.

I must not try to predict when he will come, because I have no way to do so.  I didn’t see my father until months after his death. At Christmastime; an unlooked-for gift.

I hope I don’t have to wait until Christmas.

I can’t think about when, or how.

My father appeared as old as he’d been when he died, but hale and hearty.  Certainly no sign of a bullet wound.  Unless he

I imagine Ray as he was on Tuesday, a vigorous forty-eight year old who resisted bifocals but had let his hair grow in grey, and who would joke about love-handles on his once-skinny, now-solid frame.  Full of cheerful malapropisms and vivid turns of phrase, teasing me about having swallowed a dictionary.

But if the Ray who returns to me is Wednesday’s Ray, who lay in my lap half-paralyzed, all words erased, looking up at me with eyes full of confusion and fear that didn’t seem to recognize me as he

I cannot imagine a god so cruel as to do that to him, whose only error was to follow me to this wilderness, away from cellular telephones and swift ambulances and oxygen masks.

But if that is what the laws of nature dictate, then I will love him as I always have, and care for him as I would if

if he hadn’t

Ray

This is why I shouldn’t write.

Ray’s heart was always generous.  He will forgive me.

And then I will see him again.


End file.
